by David Fagin

It's late summer in 1997, and Lloyd's mother Myrna Birwell's RV is back in Roman Customizing for more repairs. Matt Roman and his friends Kristen and Silent Jim have started a garage band called Triple Pepperoni. Matt is strapping on his Mom's old acoustic guitar while Kristen finishes setting up her keyboard and Jim waits with his drum set. Matt says, "It's strange they're taking so long to deliver my electric guitar. The clerk told me it would get here fast because they use United Delivery Service." Leo's garbage truck comes and Matt says, "Hey, Leo, this is great timing; now you can hear us play that rap song I've been telling you about." Leo replies, "Cool, I'd like that, man, but there's one thing I'd like to know--why did you name your band Triple Pepperoni?" Matt tells him it's because they bought their instruments with the money they made working at Nick Benito's pizza parlor, and besides they're big fans of Prince for a Day. Then Matt starts singing:

"Matt Roman's my name, I have 1 1/2 brothers
'cause my big brother Joe and I don't have the same mother
I live in an apartment with my fine Mom Claire
And my little brother Andy also lives there
We own a garage in Philly town
Our apartment's up the stairs, our garage is down
My big brother Joe is one cool guy
He's a real awesome dude, I wouldn't lie
He wears a leather jacket and he rides a big bike
And he's a guy that all the babes like
He works out every day and he doesn't eat spam
He teases me a lot, but he helps me out of jams
His Mom and his stepdad are very rich hippies
Joe loves them, but he thinks they're hippie-dippy
My little brother Andy is a funny little guy
He cracks us up so much that we almost die
With his jokes and his impressions he keeps us merry
He does a great Fran Drescher and his hero Jim Carrey
He always runs around in some crazy getup
From his superhero costumes there is no letup
Kristen: Kristen's my name, Matt's delinquent best friend
I get him into trouble without end
But I also help him quite a lot
When I tell all the cool kids he's really hot
Silent Jim: I'm Matt's best friend too, they call me Silent Jim
"Cause I hardly ever talk, but I listen to him
I never yak with people and waste their day
I only speak when I have something special to say
Matt: Down in the garage there's Lloyd and there's Lou
Lou has a really humungous hairdo
When she's not fixing cars she makes junk art
She's beautiful and she's also smart
Lloyd is the biggest guy I know
If Joey Russo saw him he would say "Whoa!"
His brain operates in a very strange way
We do a crossword puzzle together each day
Henri Lafontaine he knows, but not I Love Lucy
Sometimes I think his head's full of sushi
But he goes to bat for me when people treat me bad
And he was a real good buddy to my Dad
His crazy Mom Myrna lives in an RV
She dances the mambo and watches TV
So this is my life full of crazy people
Sometimes they make me wanna jump off a steeple
But I wouldn't trade them for a zillion bucks
'Cause knowing them is even bigger good luck!:

"What do you think of that?", asks Matt; Leo replies, "Like I always say, I know garbage, and this time I can say your song sure isn't garbage." Then he tells Matt that Mickey Ricardo is having an amateur night at the Tropicalo, and he should go sign up for it right away because today's the last day he can.

Lloyd happens to pass by, and Matt says, "Oh, Lloyd, I really oughta ask you, I hope you weren't offended by my lines about you..." Lloyd says they're alright because they're spoken with affection and it isn't like when he was hanging out with those kids at Yogurt Town...anyway, sometimes he feels like he has a head full of sushi!

Then Captain Speedy comes in, but he's wearing a UDS uniform--a brown shirt and brown shorts; he says, "I have a delivery for Matt Roman." Matt says, "Now I know why it took so long! It's unbelievable how we always get him." The former Captain Speedy says his delivery service went out of business so now he's just plain Sal Spedillo and he works for UDS. After Matt signs for the guitar, Myrna comes out of her RV in a bathrobe and curlers and says, "Who was that hunk? I'd like to get to know him! He looks like he'd make a good husband #5! You know what they always say--there's something about a man in a uniform." Matt tells her who he is; then he and his friends hear Andy playing with Silent Jim's drums. Matt says, "Don't play with Jim's drums, Andy--they're not a toy." Andy says he just wanted to play the drums like Super Cool Andy! The band members leave, taking Andy with them because Matt's watching him.

Shortly afterwards Joe, Lou and Lloyd are working on Myrna's RV; Joe says he can't believe those new shocks they put in a few months age could be shot already; Lloyd tells them his Mother gave Mambo lessons to everybody at Shady Pines retirement home. Myrna is watching professional wrestling on her TV, with Claire holding up a coat hanger; Myrna says, "Move it a little to the left, Blondie." Then Sal Spedillo comes back and says he just remembered he had another guitar for Joe Roman. Myrna hurries over and tells Sal she thinks he's a hunk in that UDS uniform and she wants to go out with him. Sal says she's a little fast for him but he agrees to go on a date with her. Lloyd says, "Mother's done it again! Poor Captain Speedy, he wasn't a very good deliveryman but it's a pity he'll be lost at sea!" Lou says she's surprised that Joe would be getting a guitar; Joe tells her and Lloyd that he played in a band for a while in High School and he thought he'd take up the guitar again, but he doesn't want Matt to know because he doesn't want him and Matt to be rivals again. Lou tells him about amateur night at the Tropicalo.

At the Tropicalo, Matt and his friends tell Mickey Ricardo, at a table in the club, that they're a rock band and they'd like to play on amateur night. Mickey says, "Just sign this thin and you'll be in the show." Matt says, "What's a thin?", and Mickey says, "Don't make fun of my accent!" Matt says, "I'm sorry, Mr. Ricardo," then Mickey says, "That's alright, Matt, I'm sorry I snapped at you. I'm just on pins and niddles when I have these amateur thins! My crazy redheaded wife Ruthie and her friend Effie Nertz are always cookin' up some crazy skim to get in the show! I don't know how I get through it without a puseeakeyatrist!" Andy has wandered off and starts playing a tom tom and singing Babaloo like Mickey Ricardo, so Matt stops him and says he can't wait till his Mom hires a new babysitter. Ruthie and Effie are behind a door and hear all this.

The next morning Ruthie and Effie go to the Romans' apartment; Effie says, "I can't believe you'd get a babysitting job just so you can get a little boy to be in the show with you!" Ruthie answers that he's so cute and he does such a good Mickey Ricardo impression, she's sure that if she wears a disguise she can win the family acts contest with him. Ruthie talks with Claire and tells her her name is Lucy McTavish. Claire hires her as Andy's babysitter--then a little later Ruthie asks Andy if he'd like to do his Mickey Ricardo impression at a club. Andy says that would be cool, and he thinks this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Also that morning, in the garage, Myrna comes in with Sal Spedillo and announces to Lloyd, Joe and Lou that they got married last night! Joe quips that Captain Speedy finally did something speedy, and Lloyd welcomes his "new Daddy" to the family; then Lloyd draws Sal aside and warns him not to go in any boats. Myrna says Sal lives in an RV too, so they'll put them together and double their living space.

At amateur night Mickey Ricardo introduces the family acts first. Ruthie wears a bright red wig and a large putty nose, and pretends to be Lucy McTavish imitating Ruthie Ricardo. Andy, wearing a black wig and tuxedo, plays tom toms and sings Babaloo; then he imitates Mickey singing Cuban Pete, while Ruthie dances and sings her part as Suzy Sweet off key. At the end of their act they bow and Ruthie's wig and fake nose fall off; Mickey says, "Ruthie, I told you you can't be in the show!", and Ruthie cries, "waaah!" Then Mickey says, "Ay ayay ayay!"

Next the bands perform; Mickey introduces Triple Pepperoni last. They perform a rock tune with a melody similar to the theme from Saved by the Bell, and Matt plays his new red guitar and sings this song:

"When you have a hot date
And you get a giant zit
That's the time to watch out
Don't lose your mind!

When you tell 2 girls you love them
And both of them find out
That's the time to watch out
Don't lose your mind!

When you're teased by your big brother
And you can't get him to stop
That's the time to watch out
Don't lose your mind!

When your little brother runs around
In superhero clothes
That's the time to watch out
Don't lose your mind!

Watch out, watch out
Don't lose your mind!
Watch out, watch out
Don't lose your mind!

Mickey Ricardo awards the first prize for bands to Triple Pepperoni!

During an intermission at the club the band members load their instruments on the truck. A boy about Matt's age, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a fedora, says, "Hey, dudes, I work here and I can help you loading your stuff." While he helps them he says, "By the way, dudes, I'm Johnny Jeremy and I won first place in a band contest at Grassy Hill High with my heavy metal band called The Pimples. So I'll be in the video contest too. So I gotta say, good luck, I hope you win 2nd place!' Matt says it's nice to meet him, and he hopes he'll win 2nd place too. Then Johnny says to Kristen, "Oh, and you were a real good keyboard player for a chick. How would you like to go on a date with the coolest dude in Philly?" Kristen says, "Do you have his number?" Johnny says he meant himself and Kristen says they just met, she'll have to decline. She says to Matt and Jim, "Can you believe that guy?"

After they've loaded their instruments Matt says he left his jacket backstage and returns to get it. To his surprise he hears Mickey announcing, "Our first solo performer is Joe Roman!" Matt stays as Joe sings a swing tune while he strums his new Washborn guitar. Kristen and Jim go backstage to see why Matt's taking so long; Matt tells them they're not gonna believe it but Joe's in the show! They listen as he finishes his song, then plays a fast guitar solo. Kristen says, "Joe's really good!" and Silent Jim says, "hmmm HMMM!" Joe goes backstage and is surprised to find Matt and his band there; Kristen says he's a really good guitarist, and asks him if he'd like to join their band; she says, "Don't you think he'd be great, Matt, Jim?" Matt looks unhappy but says, "OK," and Jim says, "hmmm HMMM!" again; so Joe agrees to join the band.

The next day Matt enters the Romans' apartment and sees Ruthie Ricardo crying on the couch; he asks her what's wrong and she answers, "It's my husband Mickey-- he never lets me be in the show." Matt tells her he isn't very happy either because his big brother Joe always takes over everything he likes, and now he even got into his band--and to add insult to injury his friends asked him to join! Then Joe enters wearing a tank top and says, "I'm ready for rehearsal, Matt!" Matt sees what he's wearing and says he wants to change first; he comes back from his room in a tight black t-shirt nad tight jeans. Joe says, "You're really starting to get some muscles, Matty; you have quite a way to go to catch up with me but you're getting there, buddy." In a tone that's not very thankful Matt says, "Thanks, Joe."

In the garage Lou sees Matt and says, "What's with the Joe Roman costume, Matt?" Matt answers that he has to look good while he's performing with the band. Lou says she likes him better the way he usually dresses. Matt and Joe join Kristen and Jim and strap on their guitars. The band starts practicing a song, and instead of standing still like the others, Joe starts dancing around. Matt complains and says Joe should stand still like the others and not try to steal the spotlight, but Kristen says maybe it would be a good idea if they dance around a little. Joe suggests they take turns dancing without their instruments while the others play. Matt says, "You're doing it again..everytime I find something I like you always take it over! Well at least I'm a better guitar player than you are!" Joe says, "That's what you think? Let's have a little contest, buddy, and see who's better!" Matt plays a guitar solo and he's really good; then Joe plays one and he's even better! Matt runs up the stairs to the apartment and his room; Joe goes after him shouting, "Matt! Matt!...Matty?", while Kristen and Jim follow. Silent Jim then talks, and says, "This is Matt's band, it isn't your band." Joe says he's right, and talks to Matt through his closed bedroom door; he says he's sorry for interfering with his band and stealing the show, and that he hasn't played in a band since High School and he wanted to feel what it was like again; it's his band and he won't interfere. Kristen apologizes too for supporting Joe and not being a very loyal friend. Matt comes out and says he'd like having a 2nd guitarist in the band, but he'll have to let him be the leader. Joe agrees, and Matt jokes that one thing he's definitely not gonna do is change the band's name to Quadruple Pepperoni! Joe says, "One other thing--I'm not dressed this way to show off; it was hot in the garage." Joe then says he hopes he doesn't think he's interfering again, but he has a great idea for their music video...

The scene switches to the garage where Lloyd is running a video camera. Joe and Matt come down the stairs in leather jackets. (Joe had got a new leather jacket and gave Matt his old one as an early Christmas present) They put on helmets--Joe's is red and Matt's is blue--and they mount Kawasaki motorcycles--again Joe's is red and Matt's is blue. Lloyd films them from a truck, with Lou driving, as they drive their bikes down the freeway, I-287. Then Lloyd films them getting off their bikes in an empty parking garage where they join Kristen and Jim and strap on their electric guitars. They jam together and sing:

"We have some Kawasaki's and we drive so cool.
Always wear our helmets, were not no fool.
We speed along the freeway going 65,
Never do drink, but we love to drive.
Yeah yeah, think what you like,
Were two guys who drive a bike,
Yeah yeah, tell all the others,
Don't you mess with the motorcycle brothers."

Matt and Joe each does a cool guitar solo; then they get on their bikes and Lloyd films them riding off into the sunset. (Afterwards more music was added in the parts where Joe and Matt were'nt performing).

A month later Joe, Matt and the band, with Claire, Lou and Lloyd, are at Super Music where the top 3 music videos are shown. Emcee Mickey Ricardo announces the 3rd place winner which wins $2000--a rap group; then he announces the 2nd place winner which wins $5000--it's Johnny Jeremy's band The Pimples. Matt starts spazzing out; he says, "Oh, man, I know we can't win" and says they should have played a different song. Joe says, "Relax, Matt, buddy, were a lot better than all the other bands." Matt hides his face when Mickey announces the first place winner which wins $10,000 and a $10,000 gift certificate at Super Music; he says it's Triple Pepperoni in Motorcycle Brothers! The band jumps up and down like winning game show contestants, then Mickey hands them their prize money and certificate. Matt thanks Mickey and tells the audience that his big brother Joe gave him the idea for the video; Matt and Joe hug each other while the crowd cheers!