PROLOGUE: Our story starts as Matt Roman's playing Joe's electric
guitar in his bedroom singing,
"On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. 12
Drummers Drumming, 11 Pipers Piping, 10 Lords A Leaking..."
At that point, the audience roared with laughter! Matt knew he
made a blooper, his face blushed & started laughing hilariously! Joe
entered laughing as well saying,
"LEAKING!" Joe & Matt cracked up laughing as Matt ad-libbed,
"When the Lords have gotta go, they gotta go!" Audience roars!
Five minutes later after the laughter died down, Matt performed
the song once again, TAKE 2 (CLICK) ACTION!
"On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. 12
Drummers Drumming, 11 Pipers Piping, 10 Lords A Leaping, 9 Ladies
Dancing, 8 Maids A Milking, 7 Swans A Swimming, 6 Geese A Laying, 5
GOLD RINGS! 4 Calling Birds, 3 French Hens, 2 Turtle Doves & A
Partridge In A Pear Tree!"
When Matt finished, screams from the audience could be heard,
along with the ship's bell ringing & the background music playing "A
Swingin' Safari" (aka The Match Game 60's theme song). Joe entered as
he yelled,
"This is Brotherly Love, not a game show! I'll bet Larry J. Hall
put you up to this to sing @ the start, since that's his favorite
Christmas carol. What have you got to say for yourself?"
The Match Game music stopped as Matt looked directly @ a camera
screaming,
"LIVE FROM PHILADELPHIA, IT'S BROTHERLY LOVE'S 2nd
CHRISTMAS SHOW!"
The audience screamed as the theme music played.
The real Christmas story began the day after Thanksgiving. Claire
was organizing to do "A Christmas Carol" play for the community
center, Matt was on college break, Andy was playing with his friends,
Lou & Lloyd were with their families & Joe Roman was waxing his
convertible. When he got the convertible, he gave the motorcycle to
Matt as a high school graduation gift (more on that later). When Joe
was finished, Matt came down & started waxing his motorcycle.
"Hey Matt," said Joe drinking a soda, "After you're through,
let's hit Blue Bird Mall. Boys day out!"
"Located on Fredericksburg & I-287, The Super Cool Joe
Expressway!"
"I wish they dropped that freeway name."
Matt got dressed as they wore helmets. Joe held on as Matt drove
the motorcycle. When they got on I-287, Matt was an ace on the
freeway. Matt got off to get gasoline & he had Joe (for old times
sake) drive the rest of the way to Blue Bird Mall.
"You still got it, Joe!" said Matt.
"You're a cool motorcycle ace yourself!" complimented Joe.
They entered the mall as it was decorated for Christmas. As they
reached the food area, the two split up to do some ideal secret
Christmas shopping & meet for dinner 90 minutes later.
Joe went to a jewelry store looking @ rings.
"May I help you?" asked the well-dressed clerk.
"I'd like to see this emerald ring please." ordered Joe.
"Really! You must have won it on Let's Make A Right Price!
Otherwise, it's $4,000 for a ring like that!" the clerk showed the
ring as Joe liked.
"I'll have the money for you near Christmas." Joe said as the
clerk got so fussy.
"Why don't you try a gumball machine! Or for a man like you,
you'll have better luck @ Q-Mart."
Joe was insulted because he didn't have the uppity class for a
snob store. So he shopped @ a department store.
Matt went to a toy store to get ideas for Andy. Matt was
surprised that all Super Cool Joe merchandise was marked down. Then
when he went to check CDs, SC Joe & The Biker Dudes was marked
down as
well.
After Joe & Matt ate dinner, they headed to the arcade battling
each other in pinball machines. As they left the mall, Joe told Matt
he had to use the gentlemen's room. So Matt would pick up Joe @ the
mall entrance as he headed to his motorcycle.
Matt put his helmet on & drove up to the mall entrance. Just as
he reached it, a car going 5 mph rammed into Matt causing him to fall
off the bike & land on the pavement.
When Joe came out of the mall, he ran when he saw a crowd
gathered as Matt laid helpless & the bike totaled. Then the ambulance
arrived. Security questioned the driver of the car & to Joe's
surprise, it was Laverne LaRouge, Matt's bingo playing friend on the
cruise ship from Midlothian, Texas.
"I didn't mean to do it!" she cried, "The brakes on this rented
car aren't working. I'll never do business with cheaters."
Joe checked her car out & indeed she was telling the truth.
"You killed my brother Matt!" he said as Laverne bawled knowing
that was her friend.
Joe had the motorcycle towed back to Roman Garage, rode with Matt
in the ambulance to the hospital & called Claire.
At the hospital, Joe & Claire saw Matt with Dr. Colquitt as his
right foot was cast & he walked with crutches.
"Matt's a lucky man." said Dr. Colquitt, "Wearing a helmet saved
his life. But the foot will take time to heal. He'll have to come
back Christmas Eve to remove his cast."
In the lobby, Laverne was releaved & released by the cops. When
they arrived home, that's when Claire let out some steam!
"Joe Roman, how could you give Matt your motorcycle? SHUT UP!
Matt's my son & I'll decide what's right for him!"
"Claire, the boy needs some freedom, growing up!" defended Joe,
"So I gave him a set of wheels! I'll never forget that one summer day!"
Flashback to that summer day as Matt's polishing Joe's motorcycle
as somewhat of a punishment.
"Man," complained Matt, "I could've enjoyed my day @ the
waterpark, but NO, I'm slaving over Joe so that he could sell his
motorcycle."
Joe came by with a for sale sign, looking @ Matt's work & joked,
"Missed a spot, psych!"
"Joe, this was my dad's bike, I don't know why you're selling it."
"Need the money!" answered Joe, "Matt, you can stop working now.
You can go to the waterpark. Here's $20 for a job well done."
And as Matt went upstairs, Joe threw his motorcycle key on the
stairs as Matt picked it up. Then he saw Joe tear up the for sale
sign saying,
"Happy high school graduation, Matt!"
Matt went back down & hugged his brother exclaiming,
"YOU'RE THE COOLEST BROTHER IN THE WORLD! How
could I say thank
you?"
"Let's be babe magnets & go to the waterpark together, my treat!"
So Joe & Matt grabbed their helmets. Joe rode behind as Matt
drove his new motorcycle. Joe was impressed with Matt's driving
ability. End of flashback.
"As long as Matt lives in this roof, he will obey me!" said
Claire, "I should have you fired & thrown in jail! Matt's not going
to be needing his crutches, he's grounded! I don't want my boys
owning wheels, understood!"
Andy was in his bedroom when he overheard that part of the
argument. So he made an advertisement to sell his bicycle, skateboard
& rollerblades.
That night, Matt was in his bed feeling depressed over the
accident that wasn't his fault.
"Sometimes I wish I was a discontinued tv character!" he cried.
Just then, Lloyd appeared as an angel.
"Your wish will be granted." said the angel as he took Matt to a
small town of misfit tv characters. They went to the head curator who
was feeding his pet cat.
"Sir," the angel reported, "Matt Roman wants to join the other
misfits."
"Sit on it, angel!"
"Chuck Cunningham!" Matt exclaimed.
"That's me. And this is my pet cat, Fluffy Brady." the cat
meowed, "Whenever a tv character's neglected, they come to live here
in this town. Before you join, tour our town & meet the other
misfits. Come back in an hour & make your decision."
Matt took a tour of the town with the angel. First he saw an
archery range as an archer fired @ the target, a picture of Steven Q.
Urkel.
"Bullseye!" she said, "No one messes with Judy Winslow!"
Then @ the park, he saw a teenaged boy playing the electric
guitar & singing,
"I got the blues, I got the blues. I got the (Why did they shaft
me & treat me like dirt when my baby sister Lilly was born) blues!"
"Brendan Lambert! Cool song!" said Matt.
"I could've been a rock star, a teen idol, a contender!"
complained Brendan as an animated character came up & critiqued,
"Except for Larry, 'Step By Step' viewers thought YOU STINKED!"
"Marty Sherman! Why's he here?" asked Matt.
"We have semi-honorees who had few storyline episodes." explained
the angel as Matt saw Chris & Tracy Partridge perform. Matt was
hungry, so he ate @ Tommy's Diner.
"May I take your order?" asked the waitress.
"Speed Racer's mother, Mom Racer!" said Matt, "I'll have a
hamburger, fries & strawberry shake."
Ten minutes passed as his order was still cooking on the grill.
"Hey! Where's the hamburger I ordered?" Matt complained as
Tommy
Hyatt (grown up) replied,
"Stow it, Roman! Or you can kiss my grits!"
At the end, Chuck showed a Brotherly Love episode starring Joey &
Andrew Lawrence as Chuck pointed out,
"No girls screaming @ you. Boring episodes. No wonder NBC &
WB
dropped a family show due to Randy Looney!"
"You mean Andy Rooney!" corrected Matt.
"Quiet! You want him nagging @ us & getting sued!" snapped
Chuck, "Sign this contract & you can live in the town of misfit tv
characters."
"NO!" yelled Matt as he suddenly found himself back in his bed.
"I got to quit watching Christmas specials!"
Meanwhile in Claire's bedroom, Lou appeared in a space suit.
"Claire Roman, come with me! I'm the Ghost of The Future!"
Claire yawned & said, "We're not rehearsing Scrooge, Lou. Let me
sleep!"
Lou dragged Claire into the living room set in the year 2005.
She saw herself lying down as a teenaged Andy entered.
"Hi Mom! Right on time!" looking @ his watch, "Good news, I have
to work @ my job while all my friends go to the prom. I saved you
$300. Who needs to get rowdy & party, I'm playing it safe to avoid
being grounded."
"What a perfect son!" said present day Claire.
"My principal arranged it so I could have a 20 minute private
gradutaion ceremony with kazoo fanfare in his office." said 2005 Andy,
"Who needs a big ceremony or a certain graduation gift, I'm a full
fledged pedestrian!"
"You'll always be my favorite son!" said 2005 Claire hugging 2005
Andy.
"Claire, you brainwashed your child." said Lou, "After Matt
rebeled & joined a motorcycle gang, Andy's lived in fear & always
played it safe. He robbed himself of his teenaged years just to keep
you happy!"
"Don't tell me how to discipline my boys!" snapped Claire.
"You'll be sorry!" Lou chanted as Claire also woke up from a bad
dream.
The weeks passed as the Roman house & garage was decorated for
Christmas. When Joe got the mail, amongst the bills was a Christmas
card postmarked Midlothian, Texas. Joe read the card;
"Dear boys; I sued the Auto Cheaters Club & got enough money to
celebrate Christmas with my brother in Philly. I owe Matt a Christmas
gift, since he's going through a rough time. Let me know when your
Christmas party is & I'll come by & surprise Matt. Signed, Laverne
LaRouge." Laverne left her brother's phone number as Joe called him
to mentioned the Christmas party.
Claire was preparing for the play as she got a phone call. It
turns out that the one who's replacing Matt as Master Fred, caught the
measles.
"That's just great!" she said after hanging up the phone, "Master
Fred has the measles, what will I do?"
Joe kidded, "Let Andy play Fred & Matt play Tiny Tim. He's right
for the part."
Matt overheard as he played the guitar & sang "Tip Toe Through
The Tulips" ala Laugh-In's Tiny Tim!
"Wrong Tiny Tim!" they said as Matt walked on crutches & said,
"But I'm still grounded." as Claire made him roll some dice. He
threw double 4.
"You're free!" she said.
"You play too much Monopoly!" groaned Joe ad he told Matt, "When
you get your cast off Christmas Eve, I'll have your friends over, the
Biker Dudes will perform, it's gonna rock with a surprise!"
The day came when the gang was @ the community center performing
that famous Dickens play, A Christmas Carol. Joe played Bob
Cratchit/Ghost of Christmas Future, Lou was Scrooge's girl
friend/Ghost of Christmas Present, Claire was Mrs. Cratchit/Ghost of
Christmas Past, Andy was Master Fred, Matt made a handsome Tiny Tim
&
Lloyd played the miser, Scrooge. You readers have good imaginations,
picture the cast doing this play. I don't have time to illustrate the
whole play!
When the play was done, the gane had a little party for all the
hard work done. Lloyd had some lemonade & after sipping it, he said,
"Bah Humbug! It needs more sugar!"
Andy was eating a hot dog as his friends came by. One thanked
him for his skateboard, another for his rollerblades & the 3rd for his
bicycle. Claire heard all this as she got upset again.
"Andrew Roman, we're going to have a long talk back home, mister!"
Back home, Claire had Andy sit @ the kitchen table.
"You gave your bicycle, rollerblades & skateboard away after I
spent $245 to make your birthdays/Christmases memorable?" Andy
nodded, "Did you impersonate Monty Baker & had your friends over to
play the home version of Let's Make A Right Price? Then you told your
friends to have their dogs & cats operated on!"
"Mom, it's Christmas." said Andy, "The season for giving."
"Look into my eyes." she said, "The real reason!"
"I didn't want to be grounded, so I got rid of all my wheels."
cried Andy as Claire remembered her dream.
"Go to your room!" she softly said as Andy left. Joe entered to
get a drink of water finding Claire depressed!
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Andy heard me overreact when I told Matt that I didn't want to
have my boys owning wheels. So he gave his bicycle, rollerblades &
skateboard away."
"Monty Baker?" asked Joe drinking his water, "Claire, Matt's a
safe motorcycle driver. He learned from me. The only way I got Matt
to be in the Super Cool Joe video is if he drove the motorcycle. How
humiliating!"
"More like a reward for saying NO to drugs." said Claire, "Super
Cool Joe let Matt drive because he made the right choice (See the 1st
fanfic). But not @ the mall!" she snapped.
"Claire!" Joe snapped, "The accident wasn't Matt's fault. The
rented car had faulty brakes. Worse, it's Matt's bingo playing friend
from Texas. She has a brother in Philly."
"I'll sue her!" yelled Claire.
"Relax!" said Joe, "She sued the auto club company & won. She's
paying Matt's hospital bill so we could have a decent Christmas &
she's coming to my Christmas party. If you'll excuse me, I got work
to do downstairs."
Claire had to patch things up with her boys as she went to Andy's
bedroom.
"Andy," she softly said as she found Andy crying, "I want you to
know that when parents get upset, they say things they don't mean.
When I mentioned wheels, I meant cars, trucks or motorcycles. Not
bicycles, skateboards or rollerblades."
"Really?" he asked as she nodded. Then she gave him a hug.
"I bet Santa's proud of you for giving you wheels away. Maybe
Santa will leave a nice present for Andy."
Christmas Eve came as Claire took Matt to the hospital to get his
cast off.
"Mom," said Matt, "Once I have enough money, I'll switch to a
car. Having Dad's motorcycle makes me feel grown up. If it will make
you feel any better, I won't join a gang wearing tattoos. Better yet,
maybe I could pump my body up & become Super Cool Matt!"
"One super hero's enough!" said Claire, "Matt, you do remind me
of your dad every time you drive. You can continue driving the
motorcycle, just be safe."
"Super Cool Joe, I mean Joe always told me to wear a helmet.
That's one rule I'll always obey." as they hugged.
Meanwhile @ the garage, Joe prepared for the Christmas/cast-off
party. Matt's friends came by along with The Biker Dudes.
Andy saw Jamal playing the snare drum with brushes. So Andy took
off his shoes & tapped dance to Jamal's beat in sock feet.
"You really know how to tap dance." he complimented as he stopped.
"Thanks!" said Andy catching his breath back, "That's a cool
feature they did on you on 'Policemen'. The coolest motorcycle cop
who fights crime & arrests bad boys, also plays the drums & is the
founder of The Biker Dudes."
Jamal got his sticks & played a snare drum roll. Then he got up,
grabbed his mallets & played a tympani drum roll.
"Are you bugging Jamal to play drum rolls?" asked Joe.
"Chill!" said Jamal, "I did it on my own after Andy flattered me."
That party started as people started dancing to taped music.
About 40 minutes later, Matt arrived @ the party with his cast off!
He met everyone & then he saw Laverne as they hugged & cried,
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"Visiting my brother." she said, "Matt, even though this accident
caused you to get grounded, I wanna make it up to you. Merry
Christmas!"
Laverne handed Matt a guitar case with a bow on it. Matt saw a
jazz electric guitar. Matt hugged Laverne & all was forgiven!
"I saw you & Joe perform 'Johnny B. Goode' on teh cruise ship,
you deserve it. Why don't you sing & jam with Joe."
And as Matt plugged his new guitar & joined Joe & the Biker Dudes
on stage,
"WE INTERRUPT THIS FANFIC TO BRING YOU A SPECIAL
REPORT!"
"Hi, I'm The Snooze Lady! If it's cool news, it's not worth the
snooze! The President's about to speak to the nation. Let's go to
The White House!"
There we find the President playing "The Christmas Song" on his
clarinet. As he played, bubbles came out of his clarinet!
"Obviously, he's a big Lawrence Welk fan!" laughed The Snooze
Lady, "This is The Snooze Lady wishing you a happy holiday season."
"THIS HAS BEEN A SPECIAL REPORT! WE NOW JOIN OUR
REGULARLY
SCHEDULED FANFIC ALREADY IN PROGRESS!"
Christmas Day came as Claire, Joe & the boys opened gifts. Joe
got a beard trimmer, Claire some perfume & Andy got a adult sized
tri-wheeled bicycle. Matt opened a square box from Mom. At first he
thought it's a bowling ball, then he saw it's a new motorcycle helmet.
Joe then covered Matt's eyes as he lead him downstairs to the garage.
Matt was excited when he saw it,
"Cool! A new motorcycle!"
"Not exactly!" said Joe, "I fixed your old bike & repainted it
from red to blue."
"I know who's getting the first ride!" said Matt as he put his
helmet on & grabbed Claire to ride back.
"Put me down, Matt Roman! I don't want to go for a ride!" she
yelled as Matt drove off with Claire, proving to her he's a safe driver!
THE END
"HEY! WHAT HAPPENED @ THE CHRISTMAS PARTY?" asked
that same John
Madden type Joey fan. For those wanting to know.
EPILOGUE: For the 1st time, Joe & Matt played guitars & sang "Winter
Wonderland". Then Matt performed "Silent Night" (deja vu) & Joe
performed "Jingle Bell Rock".
During a band break, Lou was about to leave the party to visit
her parents.
"You can't go!" said Lloyd, "It's not over yet!"
"Lloyd," said Lou, "I'm much grown up to see Joey dress up as
Santa!"
Just then, a motorcycle entered the garage & Joe entered as Super
Cool Joe.
"That's even worse!" said Lou.
"WOW! Super Cool Joe's back!" exclaimed Andy.
SC Joe got off & went to Lou.
"You made me stay @ your party to see you dress as SC Joe!" she
exclaimed as he escorted her to the band. SC Joe played the guitar &
sang "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree". When he put up the guitar,
he reached behind his amplifier & took out a small box containing that
same $4,000 ring as he told Lou,
"Merry Christmas Lou! Will you marry me?"
Lou blushed as she said, "You got some nerve proposing in a super
hero outfit & on Christmas. Yes! I'll marry you, Super Cool Joe
Roman!"
The crowd cheered as Joe & Lou kissed underneath the mistletoe.
Then they started dancing as Matt played the guitar & sang "White
Christmas". When Matt finished (you guessed it), the audience
screamed, confetti fell down as the ship's bell rang & The Match Game
song was heard once again. But Joe & Lou didn't care cause they were
still kissing as I came up on stage, hugging Matt & excitingly said,
"What a show! Matthew Lawrence began & ended the Christmas
fanfic on a musical note! You win! That's the fanfic! This is Larry
J. Hall wishing you Lawrence Brothers fans A Merry Christmas & A
Happy
New Year! Remember, feed your dog & cat regularly to provide them
with a shiny coat! So long!"
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